The young male patient
my age
so thin and pale
lying in bed
completely unconscious
brought in by EMS
I listened to the EMS report
overdose
unknown substance
given 4 doses of Narcan
still not awake
patient with extensive drug abuse history
I can feel the judgment
creeping up behind me
entering my mind
“how could he let this happen?”
“how did he let himself get like this?”
as if this was his choice
his mother rushes into the room
sobbing
screaming
shouting his name
“wake up!”
“wake up!”
she turns to me
she looks at me
crying
telling me of the sequence of events
leading to this moment
in her son's life
just got out of jail
girlfriend left him
hasn't slept for days
he has been so sad
she tells his story
so all can hear
after sensing judgment
lingering in the room
“how could he let this happen?”
“how did he let himself get like this?”
I become embarrassed
how did I let those thoughts
enter my mind
I have been so blessed
not to have had to face this challenge
addiction
I have been so blessed
not to even be able to imagine
this young man's situation
but not all are this blessed
and those who are not
must face the judgment
must face the ignorance
“how could he let this happen?”
“how did he let himself get like this?”
the judgment and ignorance
I let creep up on me that day
with that patient
lying in the bed
unconscious
blood pressure 60/30
kidneys failing
he is admitted
brought upstairs
I am left downstairs
with my thoughts
and my embarrassment
how could I
have let those thoughts
enter my mind
but I walk away
from that day
a changed person
never letting those thoughts
enter my mind
refraining from judgment
and instead
turning to compassion
