;)
Figure: dictation, humor, misheard, emergency medicine
FigureI have learned since moving to New Zealand that communication is key. Now, before you get frothing, you need to know I have been pretty flat out, so I collected these crack-ups which are sweet as!
I have also learned that even though you might know every word in a sentence, it might not actually mean what you thought it did. I have learned several turns of phrase that I absolutely love. I have also found that several expressions I use have been greeted with confused blank stares. It goes both ways.
I was talking about a case recently and how we were Monday morning quarterbacking, and nobody had a clue what I was talking about.
On the other hand, I had a patient tell me he was fizzing for the weekend despite being pretty flat out all week (he was excited after a busy week).
I was also told, after explaining hemorrhoid treatment, that all that talk was way too scody for them to hear (just too disgusting).
Obviously, being misheard can cause problems. We need to be sure that what we say is clearly understood, especially in medicine. Nowhere is this clearer than when we use word-to-text dictation. We think we are speaking clearly, but what is documented might not be exactly what we intended.
The following examples start with what was dictated by the physician and then what the software (dictation) interpreted. Be careful out there while dictating!
Doctor: He has been attempting to soothe throat with large quantities of water.
Dictation: He has been attempting to choke child with large quantities of water.
Doctor: Patient was found to have acute SVT, and we did use vagal maneuvers.
Dictation: Patient was found to have acute SVT, and we did use vaginal maneuvers.
Doctor: The patient had a blood alcohol level of 312.
Dictation: The patient had a blood alcohol level of CCCXII.
(This one gets really confusing if a patient ever has four IVs).
Doctor: The patient was intubated with a GlideScope.
Dictation: The patient was intubated with a kaleidoscope.
Doctor: Patient was then bolused with 1000 mLs.
Dictation: Patient was then bloused with 1000 males.
Doctor: Patient was placed on nicardipine. The nicardipine was titrated.
Dictation: Patient was placed on a bed of pain. The bed of pain was titrated.
Doctor: The patient has a parous cervix on exam.
Dictation: The patient has a Paris cervix on exam.
Doctor: Lumbar puncture not indicated.
Dictation: Lumbar puncture indicated.
(This one really makes me nervous.)
Doctor: The patient has a TIMI low risk.
Dictation: The patient has tiny little breasts.
Doctor: Doctor was then checking patient's glucose.
Dictation: Doctor was then lashing patient's balls.
Doctor: Patient had anaphylactic reaction to peanut cookies.
Dictation: Patient had anaphylactic reaction to penis cookies.
Doctor: Be sure to prop your daughter's head up at night with pillows.
Dictation: Be sure to prop your daughter's hymen at night with pillows.
Doctor: Patient is A&O times three.
Dictation: Patient is anal times three.
Doctor: Patient then had catheter that was placed in and then out after urine.
Dictation: Patient then had catheter that was placed In-N-Out after urine.
Doctor: The ECG was abnormal, and a cardiologist was immediately paged.
Dictation: The ECG was abnormal, and a prostitute was immediately paged.
Remember, always check your dictations. Communication is key!
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Dr. Brandtis an emergency physician currently working in New Zealand (after 12 years in Michigan). Read his blog and other articles athttp://brandtwriting.com, follow him on Twitter@brandtwriting, and listen to his humorous ED podcast, EpineFriends, which can be found athttp://apple.co/3d9Nco2. Read his past EMN columns athttp://bit.ly/EMN-BrandtsRants.
