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TROT Line: Live and Direct From the Republic of Texas

Holt, Mark W. MD

The Journal of Ambulatory Care Management: April/June 2014 - Volume 37 - Issue 2 - p 192–193
doi: 10.1097/JAC.0000000000000031

Dr Holt is in private practice at MD Pediatric Associates, Lewisville, Texas (

Note from the Editor: As usual, TROT Line exaggerates, embellishes, and goes way over the edge shamelessly and without the slightest drop of remorse. Any resemblance to a real person—living, dead, or on CPAP—is strictly semicoincidental and not (intentionally) on purpose. Humor represents the only mechanism that a journal editor has left to confront the absolute craziness that is occurring in today's medical marketplace. I would encourage readers to submit humor op-ed pieces on today's health care system.

The author has disclosed that he has no significant relationships with, or financial interest in, any commercial companies pertaining to this article.

On fire in Callie! Miley Puts a Smiley on BillyC's Rug! BettyFjord Takes AddictionTherapy to TeaP.

MoshPit! Miley YoTwerks on Teddy Cruz Infomercial! DanceDanceEvolution Takes the TP to New Frenzied FundRaising Heights! Miley Combo—Yoga Plus Twerking—Goes Viral BFjord TV! Downward Dog Meets Naughty Twitching! Teddy & Miley's VineVid On Fire! BettyF Center Calls AT for TP Hopeless on BF TV—and BillyC Agrees! Twizzlers, Dope(ColoradoGold), & Any Drink with Twizzle Sticks or Clydesdales: BettyFjord = Back to Basics!

TeddyC's succint reply on Vine—RepublicanResort for BoozedUp CandyAddicts!

How did yours truly get caught up in TP-MC-BF-BC crossfire? I was running like a wild feral hawg through the prickly underbrush surrounding The Compound, wondering if this was what Joey Biden meant when he boasted that he whipped his 5y/o cousin Burl at both AngryBirdies and signing up for his high-deductible superplan at—while making Burl run a 10K through a Brooklyn paintball park.

BillyClinton kept urging me to speed up and “light a fire in my britches” because the four-wheelers, led by Teddy Cruz, were gaining on us, using their GPS sensors to stay right on our tails. We were doing ok until we saw a brightly lit neon sign by the trail: “You are now running faster than the Obamacare Web site.” Well that nailed Billy's funny bone, and he collapsed on the side of the trail from a combo of oxygen debt and Twizzler overdose.

So yours truly takes a hard right on the trail—barely missing the paintball barrage that totally inundated Billy and his GOP wingman, Chris Christie, who had been sucked into BC's Twizzler escapades by the promise of free-pub(licity) to fight the TeeParty TC Desperados, as TeddyC liked to refer to his PaintBall Brigade of 5y/o tax-slashers. Somehow Bill and Chris challenged the Desperados to an all-in, no-holds-barred League of Lupus DeathMatch on their flite to California. TeddyC vetoed the use of campaign funds for a frivolous flite to Callie, but backed off when BC got official Affordable Care approval from Kat Sebelius to label the junket as definitely Meaningful Use & therefore funded by the ACA.

Can you spell “skandal”? Apparently not if you go by TC's inflite press release. No Use for Meaningless Use was the headline BillyC picked out for him while an unexpected stowaway—MileyC—did her version of “Twizzle for Shizzle” (do not ask me to translate) while twerking in first class. Per BC, we spent most of the flite just “funning around” playing Kandy Krush level 131, “sorta like a mature adults version of KandyLand” while TeddyC tried to write his own hot off the TeeParty press release without SpellChek.

Chris Christie kept bragging about meaningful weight loss (courtesy of one of those stomach-pouch jobs). And, to top it all off, Miley and TC made a very meaningful infomercial on the plane complete with DanceDanceEvolution pyrotechnics and a special version of Miley's NewAge yoga. The people at The BettyF Center were very impressed with the outtakes on UTube until they realized that the whole video was—que sorpreza!—very different. By the time it went viral, The BF Board of Directors had given it an online dose of Tamiflu.

Wow! What a flite! The Desperados end up doing a PDiddy in your face touchdown dance to the Christie/Clinton.

Bombaderos, whom they “kreamed” (another TC spelling bee casualty) in their LOL shootout. BillyC blamed it on the New Jersey former doughboy. ChrisC admitted he had spaced out a little during the heat of the battle, but he blamed it on DIH (Democratic-Induced Hypoglycemia), meaning he broke into Bill's secret stash of SugarBabies and went to town on them—3 bags in 5 minutes.

Meanwhile, I am back on skates at The Compound Sonik, helping all the eligible-for-Medicaid-if-we didn't-live-in-Tejas clients to navigate from the ACA Web site to the backdoor entry, which I stumbled on while fleeing the pre-K paintballers. I just tell them that it is The Compound fractured version of Meaningful Use.

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