Patient number one steps up to the plate
Waltzing in just 30 minutes late.
The surgeon is tense, all ready to go,
In haste you set out to keep up the flow.
First thing you see, she’s a nervous wreck.
Next thing you see, she has no neck.
In tears she cries, needles give me great fright.
Just knock me out first and I’ll be all right.
No I don’t smoke, I quit last night.
But I forgot my inhaler, my lungs are tight.
And oh, did I mention? I ate past midnight.
Just some toast and coffee, I was keeping it light.
And good luck with the IV, my veins are no good.
Just stick me right here, I think you should.
And for heaven’s sake, please don’t knock out my teeth.
I have all these veneers, and you know they’re not cheap.
Can I please have something to moisten my lips?
My mouth is so dry, but promise, I won’t sip.
(At last we’re set to be on our way.)
Well it’s about time, I’ve been here all day.
But wait, can I just use the bathroom real quick?
And if I don’t see my family, I think I’ll be sick.
Ok, now I’m ready. Let’s start this game.
Oh and one last thing, I don’t want any pain.
© 2014 American Society of Anesthesiologists, Inc.